Yes you

Survival



Accept and grow

When I try to guess

“Knot the tie and go to work, unknot the tie and go to sleep. I sleep. I dream. I wake. I sing. I get out the hammer and start knocking in the wooden pegs that affix the meaning to the landscape, the inner life to the body, the names to the things. I float too much to wander, like you, in the real world. I envy it but that’s the dealio - you’re a train and I’m a train station and when I try to guess your trajectory
I end up telling my own story.”
~ Richard Siken

"Train Track" photograph by the very talented artist Samantha Jones

and can be yours here!

More one than two

“Build me up and I with you. For we are more one than two.”

~ Deborah Day 

 

Close-Up of Two Dandelions by artist, Darlyne A. Murawski,

Arlington, Massachusetts, USA can be yours here

Press play

“You can't stop the future
 You can't rewind the past
 The only way to learn the secret
 ...is to press play.”

~  Jay Asher

Dandelion collage by the very talented artist Jordan Tierney

Please visit her fine art site www.jordantierney.com

and her visually stunning blog www.signpostsinthesea.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

xo Two

Everybody

What we do

“Freedom is what we do with what is done to us.”

~Jean-Paul Sartre

Source

The gift of letting go

She Let Go

Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the 'right' reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn't ask anyone for advice.  She didn't read a book on how to let go.

She just let go.

She let go of all the memories that held her back.

She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn't promise to let go.  She didn't journal about it.

She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer.  She made no public announcement.

She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn't analyze whether she should let go.

She didn't call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn't utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.  There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.  No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.  There was no struggle.  It wasn't good.  It wasn't bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.  A small smile came over her face.  A light breeze blew through her.

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Here's to giving ourselves the gift of letting go...

There's only one guru ~ you.

-Unknown

 

Dandelion photograph by the very talented artist Carolyn Cochrane. To see more of her beautiful work and to purchase this photograph, please wander over to her etsy shop.  She can also be found at www.carolyncochrane.com,  facebook and twitter.  Enjoy! xo Two

 

To not let the spark die

“I’ve told you the four thunderstorms – disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die”

~Chetan Bhagat

Photograph by the awesome Brooke Mercedes

It's always darkest before dawn

A little morning music to jumpstart your mood...

Shake it out!

xo Two

 

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues strong

It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I’m always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound

Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues strong

But it’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

Cause I like to keep my issues strong

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

And given half the chance would I take any of it back

It’s a final mess but it’s left me so empty

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Oh woah, oh woah…

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t

So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope

It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat

Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

 

~ Florence + The Machine

Paying it forward

Lost and found.  For me at least, this is a pretty accurate way of describing what it's like to be adopted. It's a continuous cycle, a lifelong process, jack/jill up the hill and down, sisyphus meet rock and repeat.  Some days you storm the gates and some days it's all you can do to float timidly in the moat nowhere near the gates.  By found, I don't necessarily mean reunion, as some don't even have that opportunity...what I mean is that some days you know yourself, have faith in yourself, come what may, you stand strong and then some days you are just lost, looking for clues, answers, signs, resolutions, forgiveness...anything to calm the inner conversations with self.  Some get "a + b = c" of reunion and some get "a + b = wtf".  As some of you may have surmised, I got wtf...I got unresolved.  A disconnect, never to be solved, things that just dangle in the air like a precarious broken chandelier...it's there but the wires will never connect, it will never sparkle and shine...it's just a part of your story that you have to somehow learn to live with...somehow make peace with it.  Even after all this time...I realize it's a lifelong process...adoption isn't a one-time event...you're never done.  It's a living, breathing thing...changing constantly...one step forward, two steps back and so-on.

Thankfully, I have more found days than lost now, but the lost ones still sneak up on me...without warning.  I could be minding my own business in a book store, wandering around in a sea of beautiful books and I'm inexplicably drawn to a certain book and BAM! SURPRISE!...it's about adoption and I am not even in the family section!  Just like that...my mind dives deep into that dark ocean, even if only for a moment or two...I go there.  Sometimes I can shrug it off easily and some days it sticks like glue and is hard to shake.  Does this happen to anyone else?  It makes me laugh mostly...like I am a magnet for all things adoption...the good and the bad.  I'm sure the innocent bystanders think I am a bit odd...when I literally laugh out loud at the strange synchronicity of it all.  It happens more often than not...these lightning rod days...where I just can't get away from it...some days where I just don't want to be adopted...even now as an adult.

I don't want my life to be just about adoption...I am so much more than that.  You probably have noticed that my posts dive in and out of adoption...some days I want to talk about anything but.  I have a creative soul and it's what led me here to blogging, to somehow make my mess my message, a springboard to finding me amidst the past and past of others.  I started this blog because if only one person found it  just starting out on their journey and thought "You too?  I thought I was the only one" and found comfort here, then that makes my heart swell because when I was on my journey there was no such thing...no blogs, nowhere to turn for support and not many books on the subject of being adopted (Rest in peace pioneer and dear sweet soul BJ Lifton! The first book I ever found on adoption was her brilliant book Lost & Found and for the very first time I felt understood, represented and not alone).  There were plenty of books on adopting a child, but very few on being adopted.  Her book, now faded, yellowed and well-worn, was a beacon for me, a warm blanket on a young, cold journey.  Her writings became a window into a world I never knew existed before, a world full of support and healing.  I imagine there are many adoptees that feel this way about her books. So my little blog is my humble way of paying it forward.

In paying it forward though, I don't want to limit myself in posting only about adoption.  I've spent a big chunk of my life feeling limited, putting limits on myself and I'm done with doing that.  There's so much more to me (to all of us) than just adoption, so hopefully you'll keep wandering by and enjoying my posts adoption related or not...please say hello...I always wonder who's out there reading.  Please know that no matter what I post here, it does seem to always have an adoption correlation if you squint at it just right, because it's who I am, it always will be. Of course, the funny thing is sometimes I'm just thinking about art, creativity and how to expand my creative world and what I love, what I think, what I'm striving for, what I'm wishing for, who I want to be...changing for the better...one thought...one spark...one idea....one blog post at a time.

xo Two

Source

What makes you happy

"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."

~Lucille Ball

 Photograph by the amazingly talented Gayla at  You grow girl

Take great care

“But, first, remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters.”

~ C.S. Lewis

The Chronicles of Narnia

Source

You can add up the parts but you won't have the sum

Source

Failure wasn't an option but it was to be the outcome.  Two so obviously alike yet so opposite and far apart.  Each betrayed by both the laws of  nature and nurture. Both so far down the rabbit hole of an era...of a closed adoption.  It was a dance, where neither knew the steps...thrown into the spotlight and onto the dance floor of life...with awkward silences...crickets...and inner tumultous conversations with self.  Questions of loyalty and gratefulness.  Wanting to reach out but neither dared.  Neither saying what they really meant yet outwardly screaming to anyone but each other.  This pandora reality.  Not the music app but the box...the one that held all the secrets, the answers, the fear, the truth and the unrelenting loss.  Once opened, it could never be resealed and made whole again.  The box was permanently flawed.  Flawed with cracks of previous lives, opinions, shame, blame, misconceptions, preconceived notions...you name it, it was all in there.
Cracks that could have let the light in...if only the light could have prevailed.  If only.

 

"Anthem"

~ Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.

I can't run no more
with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me.

Ring the bells that still can ring ...

You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.

Anything can be

Photo courtesy of lifebydesignwithkrystal

Trunks entwine

“Elephants love reunions.
They recognize one another after years and years of separation
and greet each other with wild, boisterous joy.
There's bellowing and trumpeting, ear flapping and rubbing.
Trunks entwine.”
~Jennifer Richard Jacobson, Small as an Elephant

Source

The next step

"Of all the pitfalls in our paths and the tremendous delays

and wanderings off the track I want to say that they are not what they seem to be.

I want to say that all that seems like fantastic mistakes are not mistakes

 all that seems like error is not error; and it all has to be done.

That which seems like a false step is the next step."

~Agnes Martin, Writings

Woodblock print by

Mabel Allington Royds

(English, 1874-1941)
Dandelions
Color woodblock print
Signed in pencil at lower right, M. A. Royds

Self-carved and self-printed by the artist

From an edition of approximately 50 impressions, ca. 1920-30's. 

25 by 18.4 cm
Reference:
 Garton & Cooke, London, Catalogue Twenty-Eight, 1984

MB (Marjorie Barton, daughter of the artist) no. 31

Just as long as you are

Don't you know that you are a shooting star...

don't you know?... don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
And all the world will love you
Just as long...

as long as you are.

~Bad Company

Dandelion seed star pendant by Etsy artist XercesArt can be yours here

Don't you just love when a beautiful message in a funky old song gets stuck in your head?

Yeah...me too.

xo Two

Change

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

 ~ Wayne Dyer

"A dandelion turns into a dandelight at the magic hands of Ralph Nauta and Lonneke Gordijn,
who took hundreds of real dandelion seeds and connected them, one by one, to little LED lamps."
To see more of their magic, wander over here.