Monday, November 7, 2011

Adoption means...


  1. Brava Kara!


  2. Thanks Joy...not sure who Kara is but you can call me Two ;) I think maybe its another blogger with same template? If so, then I think Kara has excellent taste! Thank YOU for all of your brilliant posts and comments in regards to all this too, so right back at ya with Brava.

  3. It's not this Kara, but it's brilliant! Love it. I use the same template. ;-)

    Wonderful blog.

  4. Amazing. Two, whoever you are, I *puffy heart* you. ;-)

    - Julie

  5. Thanks so much your blog too! It's a great template, isn't it? ;) I've always had a thing for dandelions...something beautiful and wishful that begins life as a weed. Reminds me a bit of being adopted. It's one hell of a strong weed...a beautiful survivor! :)

  6. Aww thanks Julie...that's so very sweet! <3

  7. @ Linda, thanks so much for sharing my tiny contribution of a post regarding that crazy Five blog. I couldn't stay quiet, not my style! ;)

  8. Awesome :-)

  9. Oh I am sorry. I just noticed the template at first and not the header. Sentiments remain the same of course.

  10. Aww, puffy hearts!

    I want a puffy heart, I used to have a sticker book full of 'em!

    I am such a sucker for cute things.

  11. Thanks mybirthnameisallison and Von! Mei-Ling, lots of puffy hearts for you!

  12. I am wondering in your opinion if there is anything that is good about adopting? Is it ok if the birth mother has relinquished her rights? IS an orphanage better than a family? When I saw this picture it was a kick in the guts. We adopted our daughter two years ago. I adore her. I would throw my body in front of a bus for her. She is my daughter. I know she's going to cop stuff all her life including that tacky line 'you're so lucky' like she actually had a choice in the matter but please don't undermine the adoptive mother.

    1. Nicki, I appreciate your comment and your curiosity. This post was in response to a very specific post by an adoptive mother/blogger who did, in fact, post a racist picture of her daughter and called it cute. A firestorm erupted and she has since removed her post without acknowledging it was wrong and then proceeded to go on the attack to the very adoptees trying to gently explain and educate her as to why it was offensive and, as you say, “undermining” to adoptees. I speak only on my behalf, not all adoptees, but our stories and struggles resonate with one another...just as you speak only as an adoptive mother yourself, not ALL adoptive mothers. I am curious, have you read any other posts of mine or just this one? ("To Adoptive Parents" and "15th Annual Kids Adoption Network Conference" come to mind...) If you felt this post undermined you in some way, perhaps you may want to take a moment and think about that...why did it kick you in the gut? I have not read your blog, but some questions to ask yourself, if this post bothered you….Do you blog about your adopted daughter for profit or attention-seeking? Do you post racist pictures of your child and call them cute? Is she old enough to approve you writing about her and her adoption struggles/attachment issues for the world to see? In my humble opinion, all adoptees struggle on some level with their identity at some point in their lives, especially in a closed adoption like mine where I was raised not to discuss it if it was something bad. This is aggravated more by an adoptive parent blogging about and directly undermining the adoptee struggle and narrative, especially to their own adoptee.

  13. Hi,

    Yep, I must apologise, I went on to read 'To adoptive parents' directly after I posted my comment and was impressed with the content. I thought it better to reply once my first comment posted rather than inundate you with messages.

    I did take a moment to question why I reacted so strongly to the picture and still find it offensive. It just comes across - in print - as really angry and I wanted to let you know that not all adoptive parents were like that.

    Many adoptive mothers blog about their adoption journey as a source of support to other adoptive parents as well as to encourage others to adopt as we feel its a really valuable way to create family - both for the kids and the parents. Do I blog for profit? Depends on your perspective. I blog about the work Nicole's orphanage does in the Philippines and often leave links for fundraising for the orphanage in the hope that more children can be given a safe home (not all kids are for adoption - the first priority is to reunite them with their birth families.)

    Attention seeking - no.

    I'm not sure what you would classify a racist pic but she's seriously cute :)

    No she is not old enough to choose what I blog about which is why I am hyper aware of not sharing her personal story or background.

    I do discuss attachment to give a 'realistic' expectation to other adoptive parents who may feel that it's all sunshine and butterflies and don't consider the trauma their child has gone through in being taken away from their culture language carers etc...

    In my opinion closed adoption is a joke.

    Just remember that sometimes the adoptive mums are feeling their way through the process. There are times we worry that we will do and say the wrong thing, not get the balance right for our kids. We fear that one day our child will say that they never truly attached to us because we are not related by blood when we remember them at 3 years old running into our arms and yelling 'mummmmyyyyy - hewwow mummy - I love you' (what can I say - she hasn't got her letter L down yet)

    Anyway - I practically just wrote a blog post in your comments box. Thanks for your reply - I will keep reading your blog and I will take note because you are an adoptee, and I am not.


  14. Thanks Nicki, I appreciate your candor and your honesty and I will always offer the same to you in return. I look forward to reading more of your blog as well. Your daughter is adorable! Even though we have different viewpoints, we can respect and learn from each other. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

  15. I don't accept that adoptive parents are as stupid as some of them seem to get by with and indeed get off on (this, their perpetual essential ultimate humiliation violation only ever being disclosed when directly confronted about molestation or at special occasions, celebrations), it is a pathetic but absolutely powerful way of deceiving and therefore really taking, conquering, a bastard - which is still construed as a Very Good Thing socio/politically(?), as being as reprehensible, curious and amusing that these emotionally freaked wastrels are. It doesn't have to be this way for them, but for reasons so far unexplained to the adopted at least, some people seem to be deemed bad to the extent that this cursed wretchedness of spirit is deliberately enforced with a consistent and of course all pervasive and inescapable dishonesty - executed with subtlety and absurdity, all with the backing of religion (they nailed the silly egomaniac into a cross after he claimed his real dad was their god, which is a predictable retort to the emotional nihilism imbued in the snatched kiddie) government (such as that sort of thing) and their own families, all against the most worthy adversary found in an undefendable baby. The lies, disregard and thinly veiled insults backed of course by financial coercion cosseting and outright violence - if ever necessary - all make adoption the cruellest soul-destroying brain-melding and exquisitely insulting trick in the book. "They stole my baby!!:)" yeah, well, they completely raped it too, the whole time making out they were blameless for that by being such fools. They aren't the fools, its just that they're genetically inferior and somehow long since gained a despicably total advantage over certain people. Funny, that. Such is life.