Thursday, October 25, 2012

Crisp apples

It's been awhile since I've written anything here...not for the lack of thoughts and ideas.  Life is just swirling around in my head and my heart.  I'm on the cusp, the edge of what I hope to be something good, vibrant, creative...whole.  October is always my favorite month. The weather is changing which don't get me wrong, I love fall, but there is also a sense of loss from summer to fall.  For me it feels like the new year instead of January...I always feel more productive around this time...maybe it's the boots, the crisp apples and the hot tea feeding my soul or maybe it's all of the new books by my favorite authors/writers/bloggers currently stacked up gleaming on my bedside table, just waiting for me to slow down, curl up and dive in.  I always feel an awareness around this time of year that I don't feel during any other season...a rebirth of sorts, shedding of skin, new beginnings...daring myself to go further in my dreams, my hopes, my wishes...and to be frank...make shit happen!  To create from the inside out.  To manifest (or as I like to WOmanifest!)
I'm also trying not to listen to the gremlins...those damn inner gremlins...the ones that say who do you think you are?   The ones that say "You don't deserve to be happy", How dare you dream? How dare you wish?  How dare you create? You're not a real artist! Tuning out those inner demons can be a full time job some days...especially during melancholy days of fall when you realize winter is looming (not my favorite season...) and the adoption gremlins kick up their voices too on value and worthiness.  I've found that keeping busy and being creative even through the muck helps tune them out, but they are always there...just underneath...waiting to pounce, usually striking at the end of a long exhaustive day when my resolve to stay on the course of joy is weakened.  Those days I need to gently remind myself that it's okay and to not go into complete "overwhelm" that I'm not where I think I should be.  I have to remind myself that it's okay to be exactly where I am, that I am worthy and to trust the process, trust myself and trust that even though it's foggy and I can only see a few paces down the path that I'm headed in the right direction. 
Can't wait to share what I've been up to with you but until then, I hope everyone is doing well and savoring the fall season.
Stay true to you,
xo Two
p.s. I'm gearing up for November Adoption Awareness month and am hoping to post every day!

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