Saturday, May 19, 2012

Fifty shades of adopted

Yes, I'm referring to THAT "Fifty Shades" literary phenomenon and yes, I am currently reading the trilogy (just finished the 1st book...) along with about a gazillion other people. It's a New York Times bestseller and is being whispered about in cafes, hallways, emails, blogs, mommy groups, singles happy hours, facebook, twitter and office watercoolers everywhere, so naturally, I had to see what all the fuss is about. I am always up for escaping into a good book and I'm a sucker for a good love story. There has been lots of controversy over the racy sexual bits...which I find silly...because it's just sex between two consentual adults intertwined with a love story. It's a ramped up version of the harlequin romances just with an edgy twist...a new genre of bodice-rippers that has seriously pushed some people's buttons. I'm fascinated with how these 3 little books are so polarizing and people either love it or they hate it (and boy do they hate it - it's been banned from libraries and small bookstores across the country - which don't they know by banning, it just makes it even more popular and more in the media radar?!)  The jury is still out on my opinion of the books while I continue onto the 2nd book in the trilogy. The writing could be a bit better (ok, a lot...), but I am enjoying the love story. What I am most fascinated about is the fact that noone seems to mention anywhere in any review I have read, is that the main dark & twisty mysterious grey-eyed male character, Christian Grey, is..............wait for it.............ADOPTED.

This fact was introduced very early in the story and from that moment on, I've been hooked. I'm intrigued and yet repulsed that, of course, the so-called "deviant" behavior (in some critical reviewing eyes of the world) is from the adopted character. I guess it's better than being the murderer or crackpot, which is what we are usually portrayed as in the media. I definitely can relate to the darker conversations when the author is talking about a distant look in his eyes when any question of his childhood comes up...I know that look. The word "haunted" comes to mind. I've had that look, maybe not to that degree, but the look none the less. It's a knee jerk trigger reaction that happens behind the eyes that is uncontrollable. I think we all have had that look in some way or's the look of loss...pure and simple and his loss is unresolved. It's grey. I understand the color grey far more than I care to admit, but am proud of myself in being able to acknowledge the grey and navigate through life's grey moments, it's not easy and a hell of a lot of work, but worth the work to discover yourself. I have no idea if the author is going to flesh out (pun not intended lol!) any of his  adoption "issues" in the next two books or if it just an easy plot blame his adoption narrative as to why he's "50 shades of f'd up"...but I hope there's more to that part of the storyline. It would be refreshing to see an adopted character work through their issues, deal with their past and would be nice to shatter the adoption myth a little bit more...ok, a lot more...that we are human beings (no thanks in part to the recent Avengers movie adoption debacle...ugg). It would be great if the author could show an adoptee working through it, not staying stuck, or feeling worthless, or being a victim of their past, weak, angry or a deviant, but that of a curious human being worthy and capable of love, intimacy, openness and authenticity....of being given and owning one's own story and not only surviving, but growing and thriving.

Now that would be a dandelion wish come true.



  1. AnonymousRLRMay 29, 2012

    hmmm, sounds to me like YOU need to write that book/narrative of the adoptee who does the work and has the "happy" ending of finally realizing that wrestling with it all has it's own reward.

  2. i just had this epiphany the other day, having finished reading the trillogy about a month ago. what struck me was a line that was written to the effect that no matter what, bad memories or vague recollections, as a young child you love your mother no matter what. it's biological. it made me wonder of that innate love i maybe once had as a baby for my biological mother. such a fascinating notion. all that aside, i enjoyed the love story and thought the sex was all peripheral to the story. so glad i came across this p.o.v.! i might have to write about it too :)

    1. Hi Mindy, thanks so much for commenting. Innate love, a very fascinating notion indeed. I hope you do write about it too...looking forward to reading your p.o.v. I love your blog...we have virtually the same daily reads! (Christine Mason Miller, Kelly Rae Roberts, Boho girl, Squam, etc., etc. <3)