Monday, October 31, 2011

And then there are days that make me want to scream (and I don't mean "Trick or Treat!")

"Sorry, KKEMERAIT, but tough as it is, the rights of people who give up children trump the rights of the children given up. I used to be for open adoption until a woman friend was 'visited' on Thanksgiving Day by a son she gave up while in college. She had never let her family know. She certainly did not tell the husband and children she went on to have. For this creature to have presumed his 'rights' were a trump card was the height of hubris. I recall to this day her saying she wished she'd aborted the pregnancy. Life is unfair. Adoptees should take a moment to consider this elementary fact and be glad for what they were given by people who did not have to give it to them at all."

Posted 10/25/2011, 6:06:47pm by Clodius

I stumbled across this comment from the blog on an article about Steve Jobs and adoption this morning.  Not the best way to start the day.  Apparently we are "creatures" which I read as "not human" as in not having the same basic human rights as the non-adopted.  According to this commenter, we should all just sit down, shut up and just be grateful?

"The rights of people who give up children trump the childrens rights who were given up"? (again HATE that word "children", if you haven't noticed Clodius, children grow up and become adults and we should be afforded the same rights as you), Life is unfair?  Be glad?

While I understand the circumstance you are speaking of...the "surprise" visit on Thanksgiving day was probably not the best choice...but here's a News Flash, adoptees ARE humans (with less rights, but human none the less) and there is no manual in wanting what everyone else has freely and without a second thought.  We do our navigating others secrets and lies.

To this I say, clearly do not know of which you speak.  You are one of the very reasons we stand up, speak loudly and fight for our rights. Our basic human know the one, the one you take for granted...the one you feel is good for some but not ALL of the human race.

Read more


  1. Clodius does not speak for most mothers. Statements like this from Clodius sicken me (as a first mother.) The vast majority of mothers I have met in person and online welcome our adult children into our lives. We never "forgot" our children. We don't wish we had aborted. (This was never something I considered for my daughter--I wanted to keep her.)

    Most of us certainly don't think our rights trump those of our adult children. If anything, many of us believed the myths...we did not deserve to raise our children...we were not good enough. We still struggle with feeling worthy. When reunited, we tend to put our adult children first.

    Please don't allow the viewpoint of one uniformed individual to cloud your perception of first mothers. Mothers like me are glad adoptees like you are standing up and speaking loudly for adoptee rights. Many of us mothers stand right beside you.

  2. Thanks for your kind words, Michelle. Clodius' comment really got under my skin. It's so frustrating to see someone with such a remote and seemingly far fetched connection to adoption rant about our rights and make such uninformed, uneducated and hurtful statements! I am so glad there are mothers like you out there...thank you!

  3. This is what I don't understand. If it was an open adoption, the truth would have been out there. No need for a "surprise" visit. Those "visits" are a product of closed adoptions. So this lady needs to get her facts straight.

  4. Well said Jenn, I couldn't agree more!!