I'm not sure when it happened...at what exact moment...there was a shift...was it slow or fast?...but I've been noticing it lately...little glimpses of light. Something in me has shifted...in the right direction...more towards me....a lot less towards exterior things and exterior worries I used to get bogged down in. It's everywhere...in every tiny crevice of my life...in the little things...in the big things...my feelings...my thoughts...my actions and even in my newfound thrifted style. Seeing things differently...seeing myself differently...presenting myself differently and without a care as to anyone else's opinion of me (so unlike the people-pleaser adopted me). I can't be for certain exactly what it is...can't quite put my finger on it....perhaps a coming into one's own self. How would I know...when self has always been so elusive in my adoptee life? Perhaps it is my own authenticity bursting through so many worn layers of gray...like a favorite blanket I've worn so long without even realizing it that it has disintegrated...or was it quickly...in an instant..poof! Perhaps its just me practicing thoughts and my mindset...perhaps it's the like-minded people I have chosen to surround myself with and they have chosen me unconditionally (you know who you are and I love you with all that I have to give). Perhaps its eating healthier...perhaps its being frugal...perhaps its my new boots the ones that I call 'magic'...perhaps its just finding humor in all of life's absurdities (like thinking boots are magical!) Perhaps its age that comes with wisdom or wisdom with age. Or maybe, just maybe, its the knowledge in knowing...now.
Now. Knowing.
For whatever it is, I am grateful for it, acknowledge it and embrace it. I hold it sacred, like a precious, fragile and beautiful treasure and I'm striving to build upon it, to invite creativity in, like a welcome old friend...I remember glimpses of her from what seems a lifetime ago and She is Me. Surfacing.
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